Tag Archives: support systems

Book Review: Sick Enough A Guide to the Medical Complications of Eating Disorders is a Must-Read

Sick Enough: A Guide to the Medical Complications of Eating Disorders is a Must-Read

Posted on by

Sick Enough by Dr. Jennifer L. Guadiani is a great resource both for those experiencing an eating disorder and for those who love them.

Through breaking down complex medical topics into bite size pieces, this book helps readers understand the real, medical complications of eating disorders, while addressing barriers to treatment.

Dr. Jennifer L. Gaudiani, author of Sick Enough, is a board certified-internal medicine doctor specializing in the treatment of eating disorders. She is also the founder of the Gaudiani Clinic: an outpatient medical practice specializing in the treatment of eating disorders. Before that work, she worked at ACUTE Center for Eating Disorders and Severe Malnutrition, which treats people with extreme medical complications of eating disorders. Dr. Gaudiani has spoken on this topic worldwide, is published in scientific journals and much more.

All people with an eating disorder deserve care and treatment. This is a simple but powerful idea that is reinforced again and again throughout Sick Enough.

Maybe you’ve thought your eating disorder “isn’t that bad,” or felt like you don’t “look” like you have an eating disorder.”  This happens for varying reasons. Many folks who experience eating disorders feel or are made to believe that their disorder isn’t legitimate because they don’t fit the mold of “type” of people who get eating disorders. Or they’ve experienced their eating disorder  minimized by well-meaning but underinformed mental health providers, doctors, and even family members.

Eating disorders affect people’s physical health, not just their mental health. It is important to know how being under fed and under nourished (even if you experience binge eating or bulimia) can affect the digestive track, mood, muscle tone and much more.

Yes, Gaudiani emphasizes, all who experience eating disorders are “Sick Enough” to warrant treatment. 

Why read Sick Enough?

In Part I, “Not Enough Calories” Gaudiani initiates an important discussion on what happens to the mind and body when enough calories are not consumed over a period of time–with intentionally dramatic and jarring chapter titles like “30,000 Foot View: What Happens When You Starve Yourself?,” and “Going Into Hibernation and The Empty Tank.”

Gaudiani starts off by introducing the reader to the “cave person brain” aka the part of our brain that regulates some of the most basic bodily functions and what it does to keep us alive when the body is underfed. She illustrates the devastating effects (regardless of body size) that not getting enough calories can have on both physical health and psyche–no matter if it’s due to dieting, an eating disorder, or food insecurity.

Examining Unexplored Biases in Sick Enough:

Refeeding syndrome*, which describes the condition of introducing food too much too quickly to someone who has been malnourished, is something many dietitians, myself included, are instructed to the point of repetition to be cautious of.And while it can present real danger to patients, Gaudiani takes time to explore how the more common, equally dangerous condition of “underfeeding” is historically overlooked in eating disorder treatment, largely due to weight bias in the field.

Genetic variability is another concept Gaudiani explores within Sick Enough. As clinicians we are often baffled when a client who suffers from a severe eating disorder gets their lab work back and it all looks “normal.”Many providers can also be shocked to learn a client has lost their menstrual cycle without appearing to have lost much weight. In exploring how different people react to inadequate food intake, Dr.Gaudiani gives a thorough discussion on  genetic variability as a reason we see things like this.

The book’s final section dives into the relationship and intersection of eating disorders and different gender identities, sexual orientations, ages, and chronic health conditions like diabetes. Gaudiani wraps it all up by providing a brief discussion on caring for those who have long and enduring eating disorders, and those who decline eating disorder care.

Throughout the book Dr. Gaudiani weaves in critical discussions on weight bias and weight stigma, and how they function as barriers to accurate diagnosis, treatment and care, as well as diving into and deconstructing pseudo science popularized by diet and wellness culture.

Sick Enough may be a challenging read at times–it goes into detail about some of the more rare medical complications of eating disorders which feel daunting to the reader.

While Gaudiani does her best at acknowledging the complexities of eating disorders within various identities–something historically excluded from the eating disorder treatment space– most of these sections are brief and not in-depth. Missing entirely is a discussion on neurodiversity and how it can complicate eating disorders and eating disorder treatment–RDs for Neurodiversity and Eating Disorder and Autism Collective are resources outside the scope of this book to begin learning more about neurodiversity and how it impacts eating disorders.

Who is Sick Enough for?

  • Medical professionals
  • Those who are experiencing an eating disorder and their loved ones
  • Caregivers

Sick Enough is loaded with invaluable vignettes and metaphors that can be used with clients–as a therapist and dietitian it helps me communicate and collaborate more effectively with my client and the whole treatment team, as well as helping me advocate for clients in spaces that aren’t eating disorders friendly.

If you are a clinician wanting to learn more about eating disorders and their treatment, sign up here to receive free eating disorder resources in your inbox.

As a therapist who is also a dietitian, I can help you understand what is going on from both angles. If you are in Texas and interested in working with me, click here to fill out a contact form. I would love to support you and your child on your journey to health.

*Please consult your doctor if you think you have an eating disorder before beginning treatment. 

Cover Image courtesy of Taylor & Francis, 2019

The Power of Validation: Supporting Your Child Through Eating Disorder Recovery

The Power of Validation: Supporting Your Child Through Eating Disorder Recovery

Posted on by

Is your teen struggling with an eating disorder?

As a parent, witnessing that struggle and feeling like nothing you say helps or wondering if you’re helping or are making things worse, can be one of the most difficult obstacles to navigate as a parent. And if you’ve felt this way, know that you are not alone. These aren’t experiences most of us know how to prepare for–there are no tools for caring for a loved one with an eating disorder in general parenting books. Unlike clinicians who go to school and receive on-going training to help people in recovery, parents have no such roadmap.

Witnessing your child struggling with an eating disorder can feel overwhelming, confusing, and deeply painful. As a parent, you naturally want to help, but knowing how to respond in the most effective way is not always intuitive. One key tool you can use to support your child’s recovery is validation–understanding what it is, why it matters, and how to practice it can make a world of difference for both your child and your family.

What Is Validation (And what it is not)?

Validation is the act of recognizing, understanding, and accepting someone’s feelings or experiences as real and meaningful.

Caregivers often worry that their validation will give their child permission to restrict food or purge–but that’s not the effect that validation has. Validating your child’s emotional experience doesn’t mean endorsing or encouraging damaging behaviors. What it does mean is that you are able to acknowledge their emotional reality without judgment. This practice lets your teen know that you are someone safe to turn to, because you will listen without assigning “right” or “wrong” to what they are feeling, and are instead there to try and understand their experience so you can better support them. Practicing validation can also be helpful for parents or caregivers in the moment because it often diffuses intense reactions you may be experiencing, and give you a moment to listen rather than react.

What validation is:

  • Actively listening and showing empathy.
  • Communicating that their feelings make sense, given their perspective.
  • Offering a safe space for them to share their struggles without fear of criticism.

What validation is not:

  • Agreeing with unhealthy behaviors or distorted beliefs about food, body, or worth.
  • Dismissing your own boundaries or enabling harmful actions.
  • Fixing their problems or trying to reason them out of their feelings.

Why Validation Is Crucial in Healing

Validation is a cornerstone of emotional healing because it helps your child feel heard, understood, and less alone. Eating disorders often thrive in silence and shame, and by validating the emotional experience your child is having, you help dismantle the isolation that fuels their struggle.

When your child feels validated, their nervous system can move out of a heightened state of stress or fear (often referred to as “fight, flight, or freeze”) into a calmer, more regulated state. This shift is essential because a regulated nervous system allows your child to:

  • Think more clearly and process emotions more effectively.
  • Develop healthy coping mechanisms.
  • Engage more fully in therapy and other forms of treatment.

Fears Parents May Have About Validation

Parents often worry that validation might:

  • Encourage unhealthy behaviors: It’s important to remember that validating your child’s feelings is not the same as endorsing their actions. For example, “I can imagine that it is very hard for you to complete your meal right now because it makes you anxious” is letting them know that you understand what they are struggling against, without encouraging them to restrict themselves.
  • Undermine parental authority: Validation doesn’t mean you have to compromise your boundaries or expectations. In other words, because you understand how hard it is for them to eat, that doesn’t mean you let them go unnourished.
  • Reinforce disordered thoughts: Validation focuses on emotions, not necessarily agreeing with the thoughts driving them. For example, saying, “It makes sense that you feel overwhelmed right now” doesn’t mean you agree with their belief that they “must” restrict food to feel in control.

Barriers to Validating Your Child

It’s not always easy to validate your child’s emotions, especially when:

  • Their feelings seem irrational or extreme. For example, your child may be fearful that they will gain a bunch of weight if they eat a piece of bread or that if they get a B in a class they won’t get a good job.
  • You’re feeling triggered, stressed, or unsure of how to respond.
  • You’re worried about saying the “wrong” thing and making things worse. The important thing is that you are trying and your teen will see that you are trying to understand them and what they are experiencing.
  • Your own emotions—such as frustration, fear, or sadness—are taking over in the moment. If this is the case, you may need to take a step back and come back later to your teen and validate them later. It is never too late.

Validation often doesn’t come naturally to us (I know when in my personal relationships I often find it challenging, and I am a therapist!). The good news is that validation is a skill that you can learn and practice.

Examples of How to Validate

Here are some ways to practice validation in everyday conversations:

  1. Listen Without Interrupting: Show you’re fully present by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and responding with short affirmations like “I’m listening” or “Tell me more.”
  2. Reflect Their Emotions: Paraphrase what they’ve shared to make sure you understand what they are saying. For example, “It sounds like you’re feeling really anxious about eating today, am I understanding that correctly?”
  3. Normalize Their Feelings: Help them see their emotions as a natural response. For instance, “I can understand why you’d feel overwhelmed; this is a big change for you.”
  4. Acknowledge Their Struggle: Recognize the difficulty of their experience. For example, “I can see how hard this is for you, and I’m here to support you.”

Ways to Practice Validation

Validation is a skill that can be developed with practice. Here are some tips:

  • Pause Before Responding: Take a deep breath to ground yourself if you’re feeling reactive. This both gives you a moment to decide how to respond, and helps to regulate your emotions so you are more able to respond intentionally.
  • Practice Empathy: Try to see the situation from your child’s perspective. Ask yourself, “How might this feel for them?” If you don’t know how they are feeling, ask.
  • Use “I” Statements: For example, “I’m here for you” or “I want to understand how you’re feeling” or “I can see why this feels overwhelming” rather than focusing on what they “should” do can help show your teen that you want to be an active support for them, and don’t want to blame them for what they are struggling with.
  • Role-Play Scenarios: If you’re working with a therapist or support group, practice validating responses to common situations.

A Path to Healing

Validation is not a magic cure, but it lays a critical foundation for healing. By helping your child feel seen and understood, you create a space where they can face their struggles without fear of judgment. Over time, this fosters the emotional resilience and trust they need to move toward recovery.

As a parent, you don’t have to be perfect—and there will be times when you stumble. 

But each effort you make to validate your child’s emotions is a step toward connection and healing. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Reach out for support, whether from therapists, support groups, or other parents who understand the challenges of eating disorder recovery. Together, you can help your child find their way to health and hope.

As a therapist who is also a dietitian, I can help you understand what is going on from both angles. If you are in Texas and interested in working with me, click here to fill out a contact form. I would love to support you and your child on your journey to health.

Supporting Your Child Through an Eating Disorder: A Guide for Parents

Supporting Your Child Through an Eating Disorder: A Guide for Parents

Posted on by

Feeling overwhelmed, frightened, and unsure of how to help when your teen is struggling with an eating disorder is a common and natural experience for parents. And while eating disorders are complex and often misunderstood, with the right resources and support, recovery is possible for your teen. And as a parent, you play a crucial role in your teen’s healing journey.

Below you can find compassionate guidance as well as therapist recommended resources to help you support your teen through their eating disorder recovery effectively.

Start With Understanding:

Eating disorders are complex, but that doesn’t mean they are unknowable. Education is one of the most powerful tools you have at your disposal, not only to help you find effective methods of support, but also to help expand your understanding of what causes and may impact eating disorders, so you can give informed care to your teen–rather than having to rely on guess work and risk causing harm. Understanding the nature of eating disorders and their impact on both physical and mental health can demystify the illness and empower you to provide informed support to your teen.

Here are some highly recommended resources to deepen your knowledge and help you in supporting your child:

When Your Teen Has an Eating Disorder by Lauren Muhlheim:

This book provides practical advice for parents navigating their child’s eating disorder, offering evidence-based strategies rooted in Family-Based Treatment (FBT) in a non-clinical manner so they’re accessible to the non-clinical reader. Muhlheim is the founder of Eating Disorder Therapy LA, an outpatient treatment center, has trained many clinicians and is a frequent speaker at eating disorder trainings and conferences. You can read my full review of this book, and why I consider it a must read here.

Sick Enough: A Guide to the Medical Complications of Eating Disorders by Jennifer Gaudiani:

Dr. Gaudiani’s offers a compassionate exploration of the medical side of eating disorders throughout Sick Enough, helping parents understand the seriousness of eating disorders and how to advocate for their child’s car by breaking down the impact of dietary restriction on your children’s bodies and brains, providing descriptions of common medical problems associated with eating disorders, as well as common co-occurring medical issues that complicate diagnosis and treatment.

Dr. Gaudiani is a board certified-internal medicine doctor who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders, as well as the founder of the Gaudiani Clinic: an outpatient medical practice specializing in the treatment of eating disorders, and a highly respected physician in the eating disorder community.

How to Nourish Your Child Through an Eating Disorder by Casey Crosbie and Wendy Sterling.

Authors Crosbie and Sterling are registered dietitians who specialize in the treatment of eating disorders. How to Nourish Your Child focuses on the Plate-by-Plate approach, a  resource which gives parents actionable steps to help their child restore nutrition-without counting calories or macros.This book helps parents answer the question, “what and how much should I be feeding my child,” especially for parents of teens with eating disorders.

Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders: How to Help Your Child Eat Well and Be Well By Eva Musby.

Eva Musby’s lived experience as parent supporting a teen daughter through in an eating disorder makes her book a wonderful resource. She provides invaluable tools for parents, including guidance on communicating with compassion, handling mealtime challenges, and navigating the emotional toll of supporting a child with an eating disorder. You can visit her website for free resources and updates.

Lean on Community

Try to remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many parents have walked this path and found solace, guidance, and strength in connecting with community and many who have found healing in connecting with others who understand your struggles.  Some places to start:

FEAST-ED.org:

F.E.A.S.T-ED (Families Empowered and Supporting Treatment of Eating Disorders) is an organization that offers resources specifically for parents and caregivers of children with eating disorders. Their community of parents provides support and shared experiences, and resources like forums, educational materials, and a library of researched back information

The Alliance for Eating Disorders Awareness:

This organization offers support groups, treatment referrals, and education for families. Their resources can help you find professionals and programs tailored to your child’s needs.

Practical Tips for Supporting Your Child Effectively:

  1. Practice Patience and Empathy: Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Validate your child’s feelings, even when you don’t fully understand them. If you want to learn more about why validation is important (and how to do it) in your child’s recovery I highly recommend this video on emotional coaching.
  2. Focus on Nourishment, Not Blame: Approach meals and food with a goal of healing and restoration, rather than criticism or punishment.
  3. Prioritize Your Own Well-Being: Supporting a child through an eating disorder is emotionally taxing. Seek support for yourself, whether through therapy, parent groups, or trusted friends.
  4. Communicate Openly With Your Child: Foster an environment where your child feels safe to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

A Final Word

As daunting as this journey may seem, remember that recovery is possible. By equipping yourself with knowledge, support, and compassion, you can help your child reclaim their health and happiness. Keep taking it one step at a time, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. You are not alone in this fight—and neither is your child.

Do you have a teen who is struggling with an eating disorder? Working with a therapist who is experienced in Family-Based Treatment can help. If you are in Texas and interested in working with me, click here to fill out a contact form.

"When Your Loved One Doesn’t Want to Get Better Understanding Anosognosia in Anorexia Nervosa" in white text on a light purple background in the bottom left corner of the graphic. The rest is a stock photo of a white woman sitting on a couch next to a teenage girl, looking concerned. White text in the top left corner reads "www.alisonpelz.com Helping people make peace with food & their bodies."

When Your Loved One Doesn’t Want to Get Better: Understanding Anosognosia in Anorexia Nervosa

Posted on by

Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by severe food restriction, an intense fear of weight gain, and body image disturbance. Anorexia nervosa affects many individuals of all genders, ages, and identities worldwide. 

The consequences of anorexia nervosa can be devastating, both physically and psychologically. However, one of the most challenging aspects of this disorder, particularly for family members and caregivers (and even clinicians!), is the phenomenon known as anosognosia.

What is Anosognosia?

Anosognosia, stemming from the Greek words “nosos” (disease) and “gnosis” (knowledge), refers to a lack of awareness of one’s illness. Anosognosia often can feel and look like denial. 

Denial is a defense mechanism and psychological response to avoid dealing with anxiety or other uncomfortable feelings. In contrast, anosognosia in mental health conditions is better described as a lack of awareness of their own condition.

Anosognosia can affect individuals struggling with bipolar, schizophrenia, eating disorders, and other psychological disorders. 

In anorexia nervosa, individuals may minimize the severity of their condition. They may adamantly believe they are not sick, or that their behaviors are justified, making it incredibly difficult for them to recognize the need for treatment. It can feel like your loved one is being “difficult” and in teenagers it can be especially confusing because during adolescence it is normal for teens to be contrary or contradictory. 

Anosognosia causes a person to be unable to achieve one or more of the following:

  • Accept that they have an illness or disorder.
  • See the signs and symptoms of their condition.
  • Connect their feelings and personal experiences back to that condition. 
  • Understand and agree that the condition is serious and needs treatment.

One of the most dangerous aspects of anosognosia in anorexia nervosa is the individual struggling with insight when the condition becomes life-threatening.

This lack of awareness around a loved one’s illness can further complicate the treatment plan and, many times, prevent treatment from occurring altogether. 

Parents frequently ask me if they should wait for their child to want to recover.

My answer is always no, because I know that anosognosia is most likely operating, and because the devastating effects eating disorders have.

Let’s face it – no teen really wants the devastating effects of an eating disorder. Contrary to popular belief, no one chooses to have an eating disorder.

How Anosognosia May be Affecting You

It’s already difficult enough to observe as a family member or loved one suffers from Anorexia nervosa, but anosognosia can make it incredibly distressing and frustrating. Despite your pleas, watching as your loved one deteriorates physically and emotionally, while they remain unaware of the severity of their condition, can evoke feelings of helplessness and despair.

To best help your loved one, you must recognize that anosognosia is not a choice but rather a symptom of the disorder. 

It is deeply rooted in neurological and psychological mechanisms impairing the individual’s ability to perceive reality accurately. This is completely out of their control, and without professional help,they may be unable to leave behind their problematic and highly dangerous behaviors.

The Role of Brain Connection in Anosognosia

Research suggests that anosognosia in anorexia nervosa may have an anatomical basis. 

Brain imaging studies indicate abnormalities in brain structure and function. According to a study published in the European Eating Disorder Review, up to 80% of individuals with anorexia exhibit some degree of anosognosia.

Malnutrition, a hallmark of anorexia, can lead to significant changes in brain chemistry and structure. This potentially contributes to the development of anosognosia. These neurological alterations can impair the individual’s ability to recognize their illness and hinder their motivation to seek help. This perpetuates the cycle of disordered eating behaviors.

The good news is with nutrition rehabilitation, anosognosia diminishes. 

Navigating Treatment and Recovery

Supporting a loved one with anorexia nervosa requires patience, empathy, and a comprehensive understanding of the disorder. Here are some ways you can help your loved one on their journey to recovery:

Show Compassion and Understanding

When you are speaking to your loved one about their eating disorder, it’s important to approach the conversation with compassion. You want to validate their experiences and avoid judgments, criticism, and shaming.

Encourage Professional Help

Although it may be difficult for someone with an eating disorder to want to receive treatment, it is still important for you to encourage it. Most success is found in early intervention. When the illness is treated, early on, there are often better outcomes than for those struggling without help for years.

Educate Yourself

One of the best things you can do to support your loved one if they are struggling with anorexia and/or anosognosia is to educate yourself on the facts. This should include the common signs and symptoms, possible treatment options, and debunked myths. This information is powerful in helping you better advocate for your loved one and their well-being.

Foster Open Communication

Create a safe and supportive environment where your loved one feels comfortable discussing their thoughts and feelings. Encourage open communication and active listening, allowing them to express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism.

Practice Self-Care

Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder can be emotionally and physically draining. Take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being, seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals if needed.

Be Aware of Triggers

One of the most important things to keep in mind is that even those deep into recovery can and will experience triggers. You can avoid adding to these by educating yourself on avoiding phrases and conversations, such as calorie counts or weight loss.

Expert Eating Disorder Treatment

If you think that a family member, child, or friend of yours is struggling with an eating disorder, it is important to consult a professional. With proper treatment, individuals can overcome their eating disorder and live a healthier life, both physically and mentally.

I am Alison Pelz, a psychotherapist and registered dietitian with over 16 years of experience. I specialize in treating eating disorders in Austin, TX. 

If you or someone you care about is struggling with an eating disorder, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. To learn more about expert eating disorder treatment and schedule a consultation with me today. I am here to help you and your loved ones reclaim their lives and break through the chains of disordered eating.

Are you a clinician? Sign up for my mailing list and CE course!

Sources:
Grpahic that reads "4 Tips for Anyone Who Loves Someone in Eating Disorder Recovery" in the lower left corner in white text over a purple background. The rest of the graphic is a stock photo of two white women (one middle aged, one older) embracing on a couch.

4 Tips for Anyone Who Loves an Adult in Eating Disorder Recovery

Posted on by

When you hear the words “eating disorder” what comes to mind? More often than not, eating disorders are associated with teenage girls. While it is true eating disorders often develop in adolescence, adults can have eating disorders, too.

It’s possible for eating disorders to initially develop later in life, not just during adolescence. It’s also possible that adults suffering from an eating disorder developed it during adolescence and never fully recovered.  Life stressors (like a pandemic, for example!) later in life can also cause a relapse of eating disorders.

Eating disorders develop for a variety of reasons including genetics, temperament, gender, and dieting history to name a few.

It is less important why and how the eating disorder developed, and more important to focus on supporting your loved one in their eating disorder recovery.

If you love someone in eating disorder recovery, here are four ways to show your support: 

1. Think about an eating disorder like a physical illness. 

An eating disorder, like cancer, is not a choice. This is often misunderstood. If it was as simple as just choosing to eat more food, far fewer people would suffer with eating disorders. 

If your loved one was going through treatment for cancer you may do some of the following: learn about their diagnosis, take them to treatment appointments, provide support, and check-in with them more frequently. 

You can do the same with eating disorders. Eating disorders are dangerous and can cause long-term health effects and even death, and they should be taken seriously. See what you can do to understand that eating disorders (EDs) are a physical as well as mental illness.

2. Get educated on eating disorders. 

Learning as much as you can about eating disorders is another way to support a loved one in recovery. Eating disorders on the surface appear to be about food. But, make no mistake, while food issues are part of the eating disorder, eating disorders are psychiatric illnesses that must be treated by experienced clinicians. Here are some resources to learn more about eating disorders: 

You can also ask your loved one if they would like for you to attend treatment appointments with them so you can get a better understanding of their treatment plan and goals. 

There are also resources on social media sites like Instagram that offer helpful information about eating disorders, diet culture, and recovery. Make sure to check that the information you’re getting is coming from a reliable source – there are lots of folks out there who borrow language from body positive and anti-diet circles but who are still pushing intentional weight loss or food restriction. It can be really eye-opening to learn about the root causes of eating disorders, in addition to being a great way to support someone you love with an eating disorder.

3. Learn how to communicate with your loved one in a supportive way.

As with most things, supporting someone in eating disorder recovery requires communication. The best way to find out how to support them is to ask! Ask them directly what would make them feel supported or what they’re struggling with. Find out what they would find helpful or for ways you can provide support (or adjust your support if necessary). 

It can be tricky to communicate about such emotionally charged topics. Statements such as these can feel supportive to your loved one.

  • “I know this is hard.” 
  • “You can do hard things.”
  • “I am here if you would like to talk about it.”

There are a lot of ways to be supportive, but some statements aren’t helpful for folks in ED recovery. Unhelpful statements that you may be tempted to say (remember the ED is not only about the food) 

  • “Just eat.” 
  • “I don’t know why this is so hard…do what I do [insert advice about food, exercise].”

Remember, eating disorders are not just about the food. Everyone’s body is different, and most of us aren’t qualified to give out medical or nutritional advice anyway – we can leave that to the folks on the treatment team. 

Another thing to keep in mind is that mealtime can be particularly stressful for those with eating disorders. Some meals and foods may be easier or harder for your loved one to eat. If you eat with your loved one at mealtime it may be helpful to focus on light conversations that have nothing to do with their eating disorder.

4. Be patient. 

Eating disorder recovery is a marathon, not a sprint. Recovery is not linear, in fact, it can get quite messy. It requires lots of learning and unlearning, as well as patience and self-compassion. 

Don’t give up, and keep checking in with your loved one. Get support for yourself if you need a space where you can process the emotions of supporting someone through recovery. It’s okay to recognize that supporting someone sometimes means asking for help yourself. The National Alliance for Eating Disorders has free support groups for loved ones.

If you are looking for more ways to support your loved one in eating disorder recovery, talking to a therapist may help. Please schedule a free 20-minute telehealth consultation to learn how I work with clients with eating disorders and loved ones.

5 Surprising Ways to Support Your Loved One with an Eating Disorder

5 Surprising Ways to Support Your Loved One with an Eating Disorder

Posted on by

Knowing what to do to help your loved one with an eating disorder can be confusing, worrisome and at times downright frustrating.  But, you can’t just sit back and watch them suffer because you are concerned about their health and well-being.

You may feel like you don’t know what to say or do for fear of making their disorder worse. Or, you say well-intended words of encouragement only to result in a screaming match.

You are not alone.

You have probably heard the expression “Put on your oxygen mask before assisting others“, right?  This rings true for caring for a loved one with an eating disorder.  I am not suggesting that you don’t get treatment for your loved one with an eating disorder.  But, taking care of yourself is a must.

This post is not going to tell you exactly what to say or do to make the eating disorder magically disappear.  Instead, I’ll go over what you can do for yourself so you can be emotionally & physically available to support your loved one in their recovery.

Tips to support a loved one with their eating disorder:

Learn about eating disorders. 

Oftentimes eating disorders are misunderstood, even by well-respected medical providers.  Although eating disorders appear on the surface to be about food, they really aren’t.  Eating disorders help the suffer manage stress, uncomfortable feelings and give a sense of control.

Learning about the particular type of eating disorder your loved one has, the medical and psychological factors associated with it most likely will leave you feeling less overwhelmed.

The Eating Disorder Sourcebook by Caroline Costin is a great starting point because it gives a comprehensive overview of eating disorders.  Gurze Books is a publisher that exclusively publishes eating disorder books – they have books as well as workbooks.  Lastly, the National Eating Disorder Association has a wealth of information on their website.

Encourage treatment.

Unfortunately, eating disorders don’t go away on there own.   Often suffers initially don’t want to go to treatment because it can feel scary and overwhelming.  Or perhaps they are in denial about having an eating disorder.  Sufferers may try to recover from their eating disorder on their own, but it rarely works.

Adequate treatment is a must for full recovery.  Treatment is important to reduce medical risks associated with eating disorders and even death (Anorexia Nervosa has the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric conditions).

To learn more about what treatment involves read Building a Treatment Team to Help Conquer your Eating Disorder and treatment options.

Practice Good self-care.

Self-care is more than just a mani-pedi or a massage.  While those things may be part of your self-care routine, self-care means deliberate acts that you do to take care of your physical, mental and emotional health.

Examples of self-care could include: getting enough sleep, engaging in hobbies, spending time with friends, taking breaks, and setting limits at work and home.

Good self-care is needed by everyone but is particularly important to prevent burnout from caring for someone with an eating disorder. Furthermore, you are setting a good example by modeling good self-care for your loved one because self-care is a skill that is taught in eating disorder recovery.

Set boundaries. 

In the literal sense of the word, boundary means a dividing line.  Boundaries are often associated with dividing geographical space, for example, the boundary line between two countries.

In the world of psychology, boundaries mean the physical and emotional limits that separate your needs from others.  Boundaries make us feel safe and teaches others how to treat us.   Being honest about how you feel and asking for what you need (and don’t need) are signs of healthy boundaries.  Setting firm boundaries can also help you manages stress, avoid burnout and improve personal relationships.

When someone struggles with setting firm boundaries it can leave the person feeling like a “doormat”, manipulated and used and erodes self-esteem.

I see all too often that caretakers take on too much, or feel they have to help control their loved one’s eating disorder behaviors.  This is a lose-lose.   This can make the caretaker feel exhausted and it doesn’t allow the person with the eating disorder to take full responsibility for their own recovery.

Just as with self-care, learning how to set boundaries is a key component in eating disorder recovery.  So when you model firm boundaries you are helping your loved one!

Find support for yourself.

Having a loved one with an eating disorder can be challenging at times.  Additionally, the course of treatment for an eating disorder can be lengthy.  You probably have heard the phrase,”This is a marathon, not a sprint“. This certainly holds true for eating disorder recovery.  According to the National Eating Disorder Association, recovery can take months and even years.  Although there is no specific timeline for recovery my clinical experience informs that recovery takes at least a few years.

Finding support for yourself can help promote a healthy relationship with your loved one, reduce stress in the household or family and get unstuck from patterns of behavior that may be reinforcing the eating disorder.

Many parents, families, partners or spouses find it helpful to get professional support through support groups, group counseling or individual therapy.

Supporting a loved one with an eating disorder can be challenging, but can yield great rewards in your personal growth as well as your loved one.

I know I didn’t give you a cure-all to help your loved one recovery from their eating disorder.  But, I hope a gave you tools to help manage your stress, worry and make you a more effective support person for your loved one.

Remember: taking care of yourself will help your loved one by leaps and bounds in their recovery!

Are you looking to learn how to better support your loved one with an eating disorder?  Call now for a free 15 minute consultation.

5 Surprising Ways to Support Your Loved One with an Eating Disorder